“I’m in a room full of skinny bitches”

UTK, The Beatards’ front man, is screaming at a sold out crowd of LA hipsters that he wants a thick chick, like Jennifer Hudson. The line is too ironic coming from the lean Brooklyn rap trio, who is performing in front of a sold out Roxy crowd of teens and potential American Apparel models. I look around; the last thick girl I saw anywhere near here was back at Saddle Ranch on Sunset. The all age concert goers love the irony and laugh at the line, not ashamed to dance and grind their skinny jeans and tank tops to the Brooklyn beat.

The Beatards are Chuck Wild, UTK the INC, and Dj O. They hail from Brooklyn, New York and are out promoting their first original project Big Bad Beat. Tonight at the Roxy, they are opening for Cisco and Shwayze. The curtains begin to rise and out of nowhere, an anonymous voice makes The Purple Rain intro over the speakers, “Ladies and gentleman, the Beatards!” The trio hit the Roxy stage with early Beastie Boy swagger and energy (minus the debauchery of course, this is an all ages show), Chuck Wild literally punching the pad’s on the 303 sampler to bang out the 808′s into the crowd. “Mind if I bust a freestyle Los Angeles?” UTK doesn’t wait for a response, and dives lyrics first into a playful, off the dome rhyme about the evening’s happenings. Bold move for an up and coming act to open with a freestyle, but I admit- impressive. After the impromptu session, the group takes it straight into the energetic and fast pace Dang Diggy Dang, which has MC’s Chuck and UTK rhyming at tongue-twisting warped speed, letting the crowd know immediately, “We got that crunk hun, to make you chumps jump, to get your humps, lumps and bumps all wanting sooome!”

From there, the trio breaks into their single/youtube smash, “Make the Bed”. The post-intercourse anthem has the kids mouthing the words and grinding just a little bit harder. As the song wraps up, two sexy women, too old to be young but young enough to be hip, strut onstage and stand behind two microphones, awaiting their cue to start singing the vocals on the next songs hook. The Beatards dip into a reggae grove that’s part Sublime and part Kanye. A little switch up from the up-tempo grooves but the transition is smooth. Now, more than halfway into the set and accompanied by the seductive yet roaring vocal power of the Davis Sisters, The Beatards show the Roxy that they aren’t a one-trick pony band, but have more musical dimension than just afternoon-delight sing a long records. “Music is my occupation, I’m a slaaaaave to the rhythm!” belt the two MC’s as the crowd sings along. “Dip like a Dorito, get hot like jalapeño, shake it to the ground and shake it all arooound!” Before the group exits from the stage, Dj O spins a few records and reminds the crowd to put on their sunglasses, “Because it makes you sound cool.” With a wave of X-marked hands swinging in the air, the all age LA crowd needs no excuse to throw on the trademark frames- LA has officially welcomed the Brooklyn trio into their ipods.

A. Landon
www.loudvine.com